Relevant to: Item 108: Work at Finding Peace
What is this blog and/or any mention of The Ever-Growing List? Explanation.
I had done a bit of self-guided meditation over the last three or four years in attempt to add to a somewhat non-existent health plan or kick I was on. You know those, right? They last for like a week until you get too busy or too content to follow through. I didn't do it often enough for anything to happen, and even I knew that. But I liked what I had experienced.
Enter this Spring into the equation. I was facing unemployment for six months and my mental health (particularly OCD) was bad--really bad--worse than it had been in five years. Struggling all throughout winter and into Spring, I knew something really had to give. As in, I'm the one who had to give and start to make some moves. To make a short story of it: severe meltdown in all aspects of my life--jobless, without a steady income, depressed, suffering from OCD, stuck at home, etc., everything spun out of control. I rarely left my room/bed for a week. And I mean that literally.
OCD is a real bitch.
It's slowly that you start to come out of this sort of fog. I was like a child again, where I was careful with my every move. That's one of the very fragile parts of dealing with OCD. It's irrational, there is no reasoning out of it in one of these phases, and often completely random things can trigger a very obsessive period. This means that I had to really watch what I listened to, what I watched, who I talked to (even family), etc.. It is maddening and sometimes debilitating.
Coming out of this fog, I was feeling somewhat hopeful just to be feeling less drained, but I was still hazy for a week or so. I began to feel optimistic. I saw these quotes within that time period:
Nevermind tomorrow; today is the day.
(This one came out of a fortune cookie.)
I was in just the state of mind enough for these to actually mean something deep down, and as such, well... "moving forth" was spurred. My insides needed fixing, I thought, as I worked on everything else, and most particularly my mind. I suddenly remembered something I had glanced at in December in a booklet from my local community college: Meditation Class! Could I possibly learn to not let my mind control me in the face of OCD? Or would it be able to help at all? What could I learn about myself if I did this?
So I scraped up some money and signed up to begin a new journey.
That leads me to now. I've been taking the class for over a month now (Kundalini), two hours once a week, and am at the point where I should challenge myself to make sure I am meditating everyday. My Yogi master, who studied with Yogi Bhajan, has often talked about a 40 day challenge and even about a 1,000 day challenge, wherein you can not miss one day. If you miss one day, you must start all over.
This challenge can be life-changing.
That is what I'm doing now, officially. Today is my second day. The point of doing this on the blog is to hold myself accountable and to document what I'm doing, which meditations I'm using, what I'm observing, what I'm learning, struggling with, and feeling!
I know, tl;dr, and this was just the vastly shortened version!
Anyway, update tomorrow!